Girls Gone Geek

As a parent, I feel compelled to say that I do not condone murderous, vigilante shenanigans and extreme, “Deadwood”-style swearing by children. OK?

That being said, the “Kick-Ass” trailer showcasing the foul-mouthed, cap-busting 11-year-old character Hit Girl is bananas. My friend T., who studied film in college, described it perfectly as “One of the most appalling movie clips I’ve ever seen, and one of the most awesome.” I haven’t read Mark Millar’s “Kick-Ass” comic, but based on this clip alone, I kinda wish the movie was just about Hit Girl.

There’s been some discussion of whether 12-year-old Chloe Moretz’s bloody turn as a pint-sized assassin is yet another sign of our depraved, hell-in-a-handbasket times. Obviously, in real life, a child (or anyone) shooting folks in the face is horrifying. But personally, I find the success of the “Saw” franchise and child beauty pageants far more troubling than this clip for a movie that is so not for kids. As V. put it, if you replaced Moretz with Charlize Theron, it would just be another action flick. (I also wonder if people would be less disturbed by Hit Boy. Anybody remember how 10-year-old Damian Wayne decapitated a criminal and then tried to put Tim Drake on ice in “Son of Batman?” I’m just saying.)

Maybe it’s because I grew up in the ’70s when Jodie Foster and Brooke Shields were playing tween prostitutes and the original Bad News Bears cursed like sailors, but I can’t get into an End Times tizzy over this. If anything, the Hit Girl clip stands in stark contrast to the chicks-as-victims stereotype we’ve seen a zillion times. I suppose you could make the case that an impressionable child could find the clip on YouTube and mimic the violence, but a kid who is roaming the Internet unsupervised will find a whole lot worse than this.

Given that the world is full of real children who are forced into the unthinkable — child soldiers come to mind — wringing our hands over a fictional character’s acts of cartoon violence seems a bit silly. As Hit Girl herself might put it, this made-to-shock clip is just %$#@ng with us.

Yesterday was unusually warm for this time of year, but also rainy.  So I decided to wear a dress — one of my more flattering dresses, if I do say so.  But since it was wet outside and late in the year (id est fall fashion time), I threw on my favorite sparkly hat and my knee-high black boots.  The males in our geek posse informed me that they are indeed “naughty” boots, and that I happened to look pretty hot. Thanks, guys.

While I was at the LCS, I picked up a couple of trades for my daughter. She is a fan of The Runaways series, and she has really been bugging me to get her more.  I grabbed the two I thought she didn’t have, but it turned out I got the wrong ones. So back I went to the comic shop to swap them out.

I made it there about 20 minutes before closing time. From my parking spot, I could clearly see a group of four guys inside holding court, and one of them had made an epic purchase. Like, a whole box of stuff.

Anyway, I got out of the car and walked in with the usual chiming bell thingie that announces someone’s presence. The owner knows me and gestured toward the shelf with the Marvel trades. The other guys turned around to see who had come in, and the glancing turned into prolonged gawking. Oh, and conversation ceased until I disappeared to the back.

I quickly found what I came for then browsed for a bit. Eying again the trade paperbacks of Rucka’s entire run on Wonder Woman, wishing they were in hardcover while mentally calculating how much I had in my checking account inevitably telling myself (*sigh*), “Not today V.”

I overheard one of the guys tell his friend that he wasn’t excited about going home to Compton for the holidays because, as a comics geek, he doesn’t fit in.  He said he was even ridiculed sometimes. But he ended on a positive note, saying that he wouldn’t give up his comics for anything, and that it made him appreciate his fellow geeks in town even more. I turned around and gave him a big smile, swapped out my trade, and left.

I’m not writing this because I was offended by them staring at me.  Flattered, actually.  It was just another day in the life of a geek girl who doesn’t look like the stock patron of a comic book shop. But therein lies my point. I do look like a stock patron of a comic book shop simply because I am. That’s the spirit that informs this blog: No matter what you look like, where you’re from, male or female: it’s all about the love of comics, baby (and the naughty boots).

There are few things I love more than comics. They are rich with iconic characters that I’ve always loved, from Wonder Woman to the more obscure but fascinating anti-hero Lady Shiva. And oh, how I love the art; so many ways to draw a character, an emotion, an action. Add to that the stories and the ingenious writers who bring them to life every month. Comic books opened up a whole new world to me; Wednesdays at my LCS, lunches with my fellow aficionados, blogging, designing my own character and just hours of pure entertainment. If you visited my home and viewed my bookshelf, you would find, first & foremost, comics so good I had to get the trades (my issues are of course bagged, boarded and stored safely in their long boxes), some modern and contemporary philosophy, Vector Prime and other science fiction. But the most ostentatious thing on my shelf (drumroll): All four books in the Twilight saga.

Blasphemy you say?  Well, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been deemed a heretic.  Why should this be any different?

I get a lot of flack for being a Twihard (yeah I said it!) from my fellow geeks. So do the millions of other fans of the series. I read blog after blog, article after article and hear endless podcasts about how much the geek world loathes the series and how it (and fans) didn’t belong at the cons. Frankly, iamoverit.org/getaclue!

The “Twilight” books are 2,000 pages of pure deliciousness. The story is overwhelmingly character-centric (*cough like comics cough*) with some fantastic players: Bella, the self-deprecating, clumsy teenage girl who is also an excellent student unaffected by peer pressure; Alice – the empathetic, fashionista, pre-cog vamp who can snap a neck before you can blink an eye; Emmett the uber likable, honest, football-loving vampire next door. Even the baddies are divinely designed. Aro, the 3,000-year-old maniacal but perfectly couth head of the Volturi can read every thought you’ve ever had with a touch. Can you say, “Gangsta?”

Then, there is Edward. Impeccably mannered, well dressed, infinitely intelligent, protective, and genuinely interested in the person that Bella is. Swoon (duh). And don’t give me that creepy stalker shit about Edward. Um, he is still a VAMPIRE. (And if you’re going to call him out, then why not bash Supes for watching Lois sleep? Even worse and much more blatant are the rape and other acts of violence against women that occur in “Watchmen” and “The League of Extraordinary Women,” written by our favorite misogynist Alan Moore. Just saying.)

Aside from the characters, the scenery is like butter for the imagination. The Pacific Northwest, Alaska, Italy, an island off the coast of South America. All these juicy bits swirled into an against-all-odds love story with super-powered vamps, Native American shape shifters, and a shit ton of hybrid lore. Zang, baby!!!

Besides, there are plenty of things about “Twilight” that qualify it as “Geek.”

Super Powers: These are powers that were either latent or subdued when they were human, but manifested themselves after a catalyst set off the transformation (vampire venom = genetic mutation), then powers manifested. Yeah, that is nothing like Marvel’s mutant powers that are latent until puberty, or the TV show “Heroes,” where the “fight or flight” adrenal response triggers the powers. The wolves begin phasing in New Moon…right after puberty due to vampires in the vicinity.

The God-Human Love Story: Supes and Lois. Diana and Steve. Black Adam and Adrianna.  Phoenix and Cyclops. Thor and Jane. Talia and Bruce. EDWARD and BELLA.

Outcast teens with a secret: Xavier’s school. Teen Titans. Runaways. Twilight.

Benevolent alien who wants to peacefully coexist with humans: Do I really even have to itemize this?

All of these elements have pleased superhero fans for years. So why wouldn’t the ladies enjoy it, too?  But more to the point, these are common threads.

Twihaters’ biggest gripe, though, is the revamping of classic vampire lore.  All they hear is “sparkle,” and their fucking brains go catatonic.  Then they move on to the default response of ridicule. To that I say, “Really? Can’t you be a little more flexible? Surely you are capable after dealing with decades of retcons.”

So what if Edward can go out in the sun? I’m pretty sure Blade was a daywalker. How is that more offensive than the constant retconning in comics? Remember last year’s big Final Crisis event, where Batman was “killed” by Darkseid’s Omega Beams, but then we saw him alive drawing on a cave wall (sometime in the past) over Anthro’s dead body? And somehow, Black Hand could raise his “corpse” for a hot second in Blackest Night #5 to elicit an emotional response out of the JLA players. I’m sure DC is going to tie it all together … or maybe they won’t, and they will retcon half of “Final Crisis” and use the rest. Now THAT is infuriating.

Stephenie Meyer brought fresh eyes to the vampire story. (And it’s not like she doesn’t give any explanation whatsoever, like some comic book editors I can think of.)  Meyer’s deviations are on the classic limitations of vampires: unconscious periods, sunlight, crosses, garlic, holy water, wooden stakes, etc. “These are all myths – deliberately placed in earlier centuries to mislead impressionable humans and make them feel safe.”  Seriously, that’s good stuff.  In a world ridden with paranoia-induced conspiracy theories, that concept — believing you’re safe when you’re really not — is real-world scary.

Since most of the naysayers haven’t actually read the series, they are unaware that much of the “Twilight” lore that they criticize is specific to the Cullens. Yes, they are benevolent vampires who feed on animal blood, but they are an anomaly in their world.  All the other vampires are evil, human-eating monsters. And jeez, the “Buffy”-loving geeks didn’t have a problem with Angel having a damn soul! I’d like to know what happened to “willful suspension of disbelief?”  After all, it’s just fiction, people!

Domestically, the “Twilight” movie franchise has grossed  $255 million and $500 million worldwide as of December 7.  This is only the third week of release. We still have two (maybe three) movies to go.  The Twilight saga is going down in Hollywood history as a force to be reckoned with among the ranks of “Batman,” “Star Wars,” “Harry Potter” and “The Lord of the Rings.” Period.

Get wise, guys. Twihards are a force to be reckoned with. We are geeks; we are smart; we have epic buying power — and we LOVE Edward.  His intensity, his etiquette and his devotion make our panties wet. You might learn a thing or two from him. I say get on board and get laid. If not, you are just going to have to suck up the sparkle. SUNSHINE!