Holy Hipster Batman!

She’s saucy, bossy, and possesses the most glorious potty-mouth in South Jersey. She reminds me of ME when I was sixteen. Yeah, sure, I was something of a teenage terror, but Darla Danberry and I would have been fast friends. Few things trumped getting into the hottest party in the city. Her freckle-faced disregard for authority and misguided ambition sings to my club chick soul.

Darla steals the show in Nick Spencer’s Forgetless. Her raw determination borders on psychopathology. Luckily, she has a stereotypical gay bestie to provide balance as her conscience. I have it on good authority that she is one of Nick Spencer’s favorite characters to write. Coincidentally, she is one of my favorite characters to read. That’s a pretty big deal considering that Forgetless is only five issues. That is just how quickly she, um, charmed me.

Mr. Spencer is in high demand these days, and probably has little time to even sleep. But I’d love a “NO I.D.”* mini written by Spencer and drawn by Marley Zarcone, starring Miss Danberry. I’d buy it, and I’d tell everyone else to buy it, too.

Here’s my ode to Darla’s life philosophies, which also happen to be pure comedy. Be warned; she’s a little vulgar.

Darla on local business practices: “You know you could be more respectful of our business. My dad’s been buying Hustlers at this Stop ‘N’ Go for years.”

On her best friend’s fear of getting caught breaking the law: “You’re gonna make some Hawthorne Heights fan a great wife someday.”

On flaky friends

On nutrition: “I need some burnt protein in the shape of a penis, STAT.”

On how to eat a hot dog: “I promise I will deep-throat it. You just have to show me how.”

On motivation: “What if we threw in a blowjob? Eh, eh?”

On getting labeled as underage by the bouncer: “Dammit. These people are impervious to my cleverness.”

On her DJ skills: “Don’t worry. I puked myself lucid while you were at the bar.”

On South Jersey

*At the end of Forgetless, Darla renames the party from “Forgetless” to “NO ID.”

One thought on “Friday Favorite: Darla Danberry

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